Tired of Being Single

Dear Tamara:

I’m tired of being single! I’ve never been in a relationship which kind of worries me because I’m nearing the age where most women are married. What concerns me even more is the fact that I don’t have ANY guy friends or prospects at all. I’ve tried to find them, but it seems that there are no single guys left. Everyone is taken! I’m scared that I will end up alone. I’ve never tried online dating because I think it might be unsafe. And whenever I’m close to a guy (even if we’re just talk casually as friends) I begin obsessing about the possibility us being together, and how I will fit into his life, which ends up making our interaction awkward.

I’m so jealous looking at everyone being so in love while I feel lonely and pathetic. I feel like I’ve wasted my entire youth. I just don’t understand why guys are so difficult to find. Sometimes I feel like I am a man repellent or maybe I’m just not attractive enough. What can I do to boost my confidence?

Rene C.  


Dear Rene:

The best advice I can give you in this situation is to STOP LOOKING! That might not be what you want to hear, but that is the best thing you can do. Stop looking for a man and allow him to find you. By obsessing over being alone and looking at every man you meet as a potential mate, you are driving yourself crazy and alienating those around you. Right now you are acting out of desperation, which can be repelling. By obsessing over a relationship, you are also not focusing on what is important, YOU! Take that obsession and energy and focus on you. Work on yourself and strive to become the best you that you can be so that you when you do find a relationship you have something to contribute to that relationship. When you are happy and feel good about yourself, you will boost your self-confidence and attract what you are looking for.

Often we feel off course or like we are not where we are supposed to be in life. We place ourselves on timelines or give ourselves unrealistic deadlines. We compare ourselves to others and want what others have. There is nothing wrong with being single. Believe it or not, there are people in relationships that wish they could be single again. They would love to have the time to focus on themselves or pursue activities and opportunities of their choice. Right now, you have that freedom. Focus your energy on these opportunities. Who knows, you may put yourself in a social situation where you meet that special someone that you desire. Enjoy yourself and your life.

If you are not satisfied with any part of yourself or your life, then you need to make some changes. As a coach, I work with individuals every day and help them take action to move to from where they are to where they really want to be. If you are not satisfied with yourself and your life, a relationship will not fix your issues. In fact, you may even be unsatisfied with the relationship, regardless of who you are with. So again, work and focus on yourself, and become the best you that you can be.


Tamara Hartley is Your Advice Guru and the author of Stop Wasting Your Time Blaming Others for Your Life,  REAL Advice from REAL Experience: Advice, Tips and Strategies for Your Life Relationships, and Career and the Been There Done That Wrote a Book About It! book series. She uses her personal life experiences and lessons learned to give others a different perspective and help them make critical decisions in their life, relationships and careers. Read advice archives at www.YourAdviceGuru.com. Email questions to advice@YourAdviceGuru.com or on Twitter @DrTamaraHartley using the hashtag #AskTamara.

Tamara is also a personal success and “How-To” coach and helps individuals figure out the “how” so that they can make their dreams a reality. Learn more about her coaching programs at www.YourPersonalSuccessCoach.com.

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