Should We Stay Together for the Kids

Dear Tamara:

My wife and I have been married for six years, but we are currently separated and seriously considering divorce. We are in counseling now, but I think I’m ready to end the marriage. I tried to tell my wife how I am feeling, but she refuses to hear me and keeps pressuring me to stay for the sake of our three children. My children mean the world to me and I would do anything for them, but not sure that staying in an unhappy marriage is the right thing to do. Please help!

S. Thomas


Dear S. Thomas:

First, let me say that I’m sorry about your circumstances. I don’t believe that anyone gets married with the intent to get a divorce, so I am always empathetic when I hear that a marriage may end in divorce. I also recognize that every marriage relationship is unique. No one knows or understands the true dynamics of your marriage other than you and your wife. No one can tell you to stay and fight or when enough is enough and it’s time to move on. Therefore, it is irresponsible for me to tell you what to do in this situation. Only you can decide what is best for you and your children.

With that being said, you should know that you are not alone in this dilemma. Many people have been where you are now and have had to make difficult decisions regarding their families, including me.

As a parent, I believe most parents want to do what’s best for their children and often make important decisions based on how they think the decision will affect their children. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong. Everyone knows that parents are not perfect people. While I believe that children are an important factor, I have learned from my experience that they are not the only factor that needs to be weighed and considered in the marriage relationship. In my particular case, staying for the sake of the children was not the best decision for me and the relationship was not the example of marriage that I wanted o set for my children.

I wish you the best during this difficult time. Be prayerful as you think about what’s best for you and your children and consider all of the factors surrounding your unique situation. I encourage you to continue counseling and communicating openly with your wife to determine what will work best for your family.



Tamara Hartley is the author of Stop Wasting Your Time Blaming Others for Your Life, and REAL Advice from REAL ExperienceShe uses her personal life experiences and lessons learned to give others a different perspective and help them make critical decisions in their life, relationships and careers. Email questions to or on Twitter @YourHowToCoach using the hashtag #AskTamara.

Tamara is also a personal success and “How-To” coach and helps individuals figure out “the how” to make their dreams their reality. Learn more about her coaching programs at


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