Coming Back After a “Bad” Breakup!

Dear Tamara:

Why do so many ex-boyfriends always try and come back after a bad breakup?

Tracy P.


Dear Tracy:

I don’t think this is a phenomenon reserved just for ex-boyfriends. In life I think people make hasty decisions based on temporary feelings and emotions and once you have a chance to calm down, rethink, and regroup, you realize you may have made the biggest mistake of your life! I think this happens in relationships more often than not. Because our hearts and feelings are involved we tend to be very emotional and allow our emotions to guide our actions. And depending on the cause and nature of the breakup, moving on may be easier said than done. Many people think they are ready to leave a person and move on to the “next best thing” only to discover that what they previously had really was a good thing! Ever heard of “The Grass is Greener on the Other Side” or the “80-20 Rule?” If you are having this problem consistently, at least you seem to be on the right side of the equation:-)

You also made reference to a “bad” breakup. In my lifetime, I have not seen too many “good” breakups (although I have heard they exist). But I don’t think it makes a difference if it is on good terms or bad terms, breaking up usually causes some type of emotional distress and or anxiety about moving on and finding someone new, even if you aren’t the one doing the breaking up!



Tamara Hartley is Your Advice Guru and Personal Success Coach. She is the author of REAL Advice from REAL Experience: Advice, Tips and Strategies for Your Life Relationships, and Career. She uses her personal life experiences and lessons learned to give others a different perspective and help them make critical decisions in their life, relationships and careers. Read advice archives at Email questions to or on Twitter @DrTamaraHartley using hashtag #AskTamara. Tamara is also a certified life coach and works with individuals to find balance, make moves, and live their dreams. Learn more about her coaching programs at

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